Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
