cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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