ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
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The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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