yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
