This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
