3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
