dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
