Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
