i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
