Have you finally orgasmed yet?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
even my farts smell like vagina
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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