So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
