my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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