ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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