You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
