Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
