What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
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she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
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List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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