Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
