True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
