you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
