my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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