if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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