Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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