she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
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she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
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I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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