I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
