I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
