FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
