We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
