so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
