nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
