So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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