Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
