I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
