I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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