not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Found your dick twin last night
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
