Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize