I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
