New low: just hacked my moms facebook
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Randomize
