we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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