no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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