my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
