My hair reeks of homosexuality.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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