grandma shit on top of the toilet
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She needs sedatives and a leash
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
