Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
