just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize