I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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