As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
its liver damage thursday
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