That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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