I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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