that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
