if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
