ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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