i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
