I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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