i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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