Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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