Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
