I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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