My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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