My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
