My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I want her autograph on my taint
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
