i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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