just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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