So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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