I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
