this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
