hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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