everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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