tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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