i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
