when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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