never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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