We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
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i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
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First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So. Much. Porn.
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