and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
