Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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