pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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